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 How to educate your non-nudist family members
 Convincing my wife
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Bamanate
Forum Member

Posted - 07/04/2007 :  12:33:22 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
My wife has gone with me once to a nudist beach w/o taking anything off herself. How do I convince her that it's ok, natural and not something dirty? Anyone know of a good book, pamphlet or other reading material so I can convince her to join me? Thanks in advance.

Country: USA | Posts: 11

mugwert
Forum Member


Posted - 07/04/2007 :  3:26:13 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I have been wrestling with the same question, the advice I have gotten is to not pressure her and to let her try getting nude at her own pace. I have been spending time nude with my wife around the house to get her more comfortable with the idea of going naked. We are going to a clothing optional hot spring in a couple weeks and she seems to be more comfortable with the possibility of being around people who are naked. I will have to see what happens, but it seems like the less I try and pressure her, the more open she is to the idea, time will tell.

Here is a link that has some real insight for you and your wife, - /

Hang in there and good luck



Country: | Posts: 44 Go to Top of Page

FireProf
Forum Member


Posted - 07/04/2007 :  7:44:54 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Bamanate,

Quite simply, you can't convince your wife to go naked with you....she has to convince herself that she's okay with it.

Many guys want their wives to jump right into the social nude scene from the get go. For most women, this only frightens them more and instead of moving forward, you risk turning them off completely to the idea.

First a question. Does your wife partake in being nude around the house? Is she comfortable with being nude around the house, doing daily chores, relaxing, watching TV, reading a book? If so, you're on the right track but need to be patient and tread lightly. Cheri, the moderator here, has a website and a pamphlet you can get from her that may help your wife.

The upside with the nude beach, for a first time public nudity visit, is that you can tell your wife that she can remain clothed or in a bathing suit if she desires. She may opt to remain that way the entire day, watching what goes on until she's convinced that a nude beach is like any other textile beach.

She may decide to only go topless. At any rate, it should be her choice to go and what to wear and what not to wear. I also told my wife that if she was not comfortable at all about being there, being next to others, we'd either move to a more secluded area or we could leave, which ever made her more comfortable. On that note, if she does decide to go to the beach, don't stick her right in the middle of the crowd. Let her decide where you sit so she is comfortable.

If she is not comfortable with nudity at home...that's a different story and all the above stuff will not help but only make things worse. If she is not comfortable at home, being nude, you'll need to expose her to it casually over time until she is comfortable, let me explain with an example.

After your wife gets out of the shower, suggest she just wear a robe or flannel shirt to relax in. Have dinner, watch some TV or read dressed like that several times to make her feel more comfortable with the idea of not getting completely dressed after a shower.

Once she has become comfortable with that mode of dress, you can suggest she leave the robe open or the shirt open while relaxing, eating, doing things around the house....what ever makes her comfortable.

On warmer days you may suggest not wearing anything but if she is hesitant or resists, let her go back to what's comfortable for her. After she has become comfortable with nudity aroung the house, you may suggest a late night skinny dip, cup of coffee or glass of wine on the patio where no one will see you. This exposes the reluctant spouse to the comfort of nudity they've grown accustom to inside, outside. It's a great feeling and one my reluctant spouse thoroughly enjoys to this day.

Patience, understanding and allowing her to make the choices are the keys to success. Be complimentary, supportive and a stress reliever, not an added stress giver. Pushing and over suggestions ad to the stress level they all ready have. They need our understanding and support to get to the next level...one step at a time.

Good luck.

FP



Country: USA | Posts: 2855 Go to Top of Page

Bamanate
Forum Member

Posted - 07/07/2007 :  5:37:25 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it. I certainly am not pressuring her to do anything she is not comfortable with. Just looking for some insight and you've given me some. I'm going to check out the website. Wish me luck.........and thanks again.


Country: USA | Posts: 11 Go to Top of Page

elmo
New Member


Posted - 03/23/2008 :  09:37:14 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I'm new here and my wife also needs convincing. So far my nude experience has been mostly limited to the backyard when I can set up something to block the view from the neighbors houses. She does not mind my being nude and she even suggested I go skinny dipping when we were hiking in Maine though she kept her clothes on. I did get her to go topless once while out on a canoe on a remote pond. I had told her that I would be happy if she went topless for ten minutes and she waited until we returned to the put in before she covered up - about 30 minutes. Later that day we were on the float in the pond nearest the lodge and I took everything off when she surprised me by removing her top again. So I do have some hope.

Since then I have suggested we go to a c/o beach but she won't. Maybe someday she will change her mind.



Country: | Posts: 4 Go to Top of Page

catbird
Forum Member


Posted - 03/23/2008 :  2:19:15 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Cheri has an excellent web page on that subject. Sorry I have not bookmarked the web site, and I know it is something about travel light. Google "Cheri Alexander" and that should take you to the site.

Naturally, Catbird



Edited by - Moderator on 03/23/2008 2:30:37 PM

Country: USA | Posts: 202 Go to Top of Page

Cookie
Forum Member


Posted - 03/23/2008 :  6:49:31 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thank god that my wife was the one who suggested that we try and find a nudist beach.
This was over 15 years ago.
I might add this came out of the "blue"!
I had not idea that she wanted to try this life style, but I will tell you it was a dream come true.

I would ask your wife if she would try it around the house, even if you are not there.
She may like the idea of freedom, and just relaxing in the buff.

Like Mikie on the commercial. Try it you might like it.

Remember we are here for only a short time, so let's have a good time.

Cookie



Country: | Posts: 596 Go to Top of Page

WyldspringNudist
Forum Member

Posted - 03/24/2008 :  01:03:38 AM  Show Profile  Send WyldspringNudist an AOL message  Reply with Quote
Heh, like you, my wife got Me into nudism. She comes from a nudist family. To bad we can't all be so lucky. Maybe one day there will be more of that out there.


Country: USA | Posts: 20 Go to Top of Page

go n nude
Forum Member


Posted - 03/24/2008 :  11:25:51 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Too bad we all can't be so lucky as you say WyldspringNudist, you are envyed and fortunate.To make a long story short convinceing this wife has lasted 28 years or more.Enjoying this lifestyle since age 8 and interoduceing her to it before marrige i thought maybe she'd accept it too. She tolerates and knows she a member but that's it.Going single to the beach/club isn't all fun, at least she understands, she married me. I wait patiently for it, hoping its virtue.

go n nude



Country: Canada | Posts: 413 Go to Top of Page

cacaca
New Member

Posted - 04/07/2008 :  8:32:18 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Me and my wife went to the nudebeach couple weeks ago, That's our first time.When we got there, she looked very shy, I told her to take the clothes off. I said if she wore clothes, She would draw attentions.And she took them off!
We are asian from a country that nudity is prohibited.My wife isn't easy going. I never believed that she agreed to be naked in public.But I worried too much.Things turned out easy.I figured out 2 things that made my wife agreed (plus my luck):
1_We went to the nude beach on our aniversary day
2_ I let her watch naturist videos very often and told her a joke that we would join those nudists one day.
Another thing, I always told her I'm proud of her body.
Yep, that's my experience.I'm just a beginer, a lucky beginer.Hope my idea could help a little.
Good luck

learner



Country: Canada | Posts: 3 Go to Top of Page

kangaroo
Forum Member


Posted - 04/08/2008 :  07:59:36 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Although it's understandable why you would want your wife to join you, do you really think you should be trying to convince/coerce her?

Think about it this way...what if she was always trying to convince you not to be nude? Wouldn't that make you uncomfortable? Wouldn't you think she wasn't being accepting of who you are and what you do?

She is joining you at a nude beach, so she obviously accepts you. Why not let her be herself, and she will decide on her own if she wants to try nudism.

-kanga



Country: USA | Posts: 55 Go to Top of Page

Diger
Forum Member


Posted - 04/08/2008 :  09:33:21 AM  Show Profile  Send Diger a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
I agree using coercion can backfire on you but it will take just a little to get her started, thou itís best not to pressure her. However with most women it will take some convincing to just try it. One of the best tactics to use is to bribe her with something that she enjoys. For just a few hours nude at this resort I will wash the dishes and cook for a week, works very well. Itís technically coercion but sheís getting something she wants and so do you.

In most cases if you can get her to just try it once or twice she will be hooked and she will be dragging you to the resort/beach.



Diger



Edited by - Diger on 04/08/2008 09:42:09 AM

Country: USA | Posts: 1368 Go to Top of Page

Tuffers
Forum Member


Posted - 04/08/2008 :  12:29:53 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I suppose I was very lucky, thirty years ago when we visited a nudist club that my wife agreed after 10 minutes to give it a go. Perhaps that the day was very warm and she wanted a swim in the pool (No clothing allowed) she agreed but for what ever reason she has never looked back.

If you have naturist friends and there is a lady that can put your partner at ease then try that but coersion is not the way.

Mike



Country: United Kingdom | Posts: 330 Go to Top of Page

agde
Forum Member


Posted - 04/09/2008 :  6:19:14 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by elmo
I'm new here and my wife also needs convincing.

Elmo, the article that catbird is referencing is at the bottom of Cheri's page here. As others have noted, while it is of course natural to want to share, the idea of "convincing" a reluctant partner is problematic. It has to be just a pleasant personal choice, and of course women are dealing with somewhat different issues than men. It sounds like your wife is already getting experience feeling more comfortable. Just takes time.

Meanwhile, a few miscellaneous things that I've found sometimes strike a chord in thinking about naturism:
  • It really is about the feeling and not the look. Regular "air-bathing", letting the skin breathe, is an essential part of body health and even looking better in clothes.
  • It really is anyway just another form of casual attire. Clothing like swimsuits already gets down to nearly nothing. "Just skin" is an additional and sometimes more sensible and comfortable fashion choice.
  • It really is a myth that normal civilized behavior is dependent on clothes. Especially at home, among friends and in naturist situations, life naturally can and does continue normally without reference to what people are wearing or not. Same people, same manners.
  • It is really time for the Playboy era to end. Even in public, whenever guys can take off their shirts for comfort, women should be able to too. Nobody's an object. Duh.



Edited by - agde on 04/09/2008 6:23:51 PM

Country: France | Posts: 244 Go to Top of Page

CathyK
Forum Member


Posted - 04/13/2008 :  1:23:56 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by kangaroo

Although it's understandable why you would want your wife to join you, do you really think you should be trying to convince/coerce her?

Think about it this way...what if she was always trying to convince you not to be nude? Wouldn't that make you uncomfortable? Wouldn't you think she wasn't being accepting of who you are and what you do?

She is joining you at a nude beach, so she obviously accepts you. Why not let her be herself, and she will decide on her own if she wants to try nudism.

-kanga



I totally agree with the Kangaroo here. I have been on both sides of this issue for many years in both my personal and social life. While I myself and many other women I know had no difficulty accepting and embracing the nudist lifestyle, I never met anyone who did it for someone else or to make someone else happy. In the long term, we all did it because it made us happy. Otherwise we might have been happy for a while but then resented our decision. I truly believe that there are some people, women as well as men, who are so socially conditioned against social nudism that they will never accept it without years of therapy. Don't push someone to accept a lifestyle as "radical" as social nudism simply because you yourself want it. it's akin to changing ones religion or career. It's a major change in ones belief system.

Cathy



Country: | Posts: 128 Go to Top of Page

n/a
deleted

Posted - 04/20/2008 :  7:53:43 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Be careful in how you approach this with your spouse, its alot easier if one is already a nudist before they date and marry that person. One issue that hasn't been brought up is that she might be having some professional concerns regarding social nudism. For some careers, being known as a nudist can end a career in a NY minute. (Just ask some military retirees and vets about that)

Take care and be bare!



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