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docfreeman47
Forum Member
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 Posted - 01/01/2010 : 6:41:38 PM
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My wife is adamant that she will not go anywhere that is even considered clothing optional.
I have read a lot in the forums and see that is an item that is repetitive.
Does anyone have any advice on the subject?
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Country: USA
| Posts: 48 |
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mariarose
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/05/2010 : 08:17:49 AM
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The only advice I can give here is listen. I know that guys want to DO something, You probably want to talk her into it, but talking to her will most likely feel like talking AT her instead. Ask her to tell you why she feels thusly, and LISTEN. Then read back to her what you think you heard but in your words. Allow her to correct you if you did not quite understand something (and maybe you understood too well, and heard body shame, when she wanted to hide behind modesty!) When you are clear about how she feels, set to work alleviating those roadblocks. Start being sexual with her when she is clothed but not when she is nude for instance. Most guys seem so happy we are nude that it is no wonder we get the idea that nudity = lewdity. It is not only our upbringing, society, churches, that do this. Often it is our well meaning yet misguided guys who do it to us. Start making it comfortable for her to be nude alone, then with you alone. Pull down the shades, refuse visitors (so she does not have to run and get dressed and get all flustered and flurried. Your guests will wonder what is up and she will imagine "they must know" trust me, you don't want that. Find things the two of you can do together (NOT SEX! unless she wants it of course) in the nude. Get to work on making a safe place in your yard for you (the guy) to be nude alone. Once it is safe and you have enjoyed it a couple of times, ask her to join you and do something fun with her. Let her feel the breeze and the sun in perfect safety. The more she learns to trust you, that you will not make her uncomfortable, ever, the better chance you will have of one day getting her to come along to a clothing optional venue. And allow it to be clothing optional for her. She has to trust you and your relationship if she is to even want to overcome those objections. And once in a while, say thank you, that you know how brave she has had to be to try to please you in this way. Most important, keep working on the relationship and building her trust in you in all areas, not just nudity. Listen to her. Goodluck.
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Country: USA
| Posts: 130 |
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Diger
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/05/2010 : 6:22:04 PM
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Maria,
That was very well written, and I agree with eveything you said. It reads as a How TO for Husbands.
You would be surprised at the guys we have had come here and complain about their wife not wanting to go to a nude resort with them and in the same breath tell how they are not even comfortable nude at home. Like you were getting at, you have to start with trust.
Doc,
You will do well by printing Maria's instructions off and following them word by word. It reads almost as the exact path my wife and I followed to grow together into our nude life. Just remember "Baby Steps" be patient and work on the trust factor. Good Luck.
Diger
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Country: USA
| Posts: 1385 |
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Nudony
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/05/2010 : 7:24:01 PM
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Mariarose's 5 cents is worth a thousand dollars! She hit it on the head! Not too many women are going to be gung-ho: "Oh heck yes, I'd love to go with you and be completely nude among other nude strangers in a foreign environment!". Although there are certainly some women that have had that approach, they are not in the majority.
It really has to start at home. For me, it started with walking around nude at home in the evenings, without her joining me. From there, it was just little things. Sitting in the bathroom talking to her while she was bathing/showering. Giving her a nude (non-sexual) massage after a hard day at work. Encouraging her (without being forceful) to sleep nude with me every night. Or even playfully snatching off her towel after her shower and carrying her nude into the living room to cuddle up under a blanket and watch a movie with me. Little by little, the "strangeness" she felt at being nude around our home gave way to a relaxed, preferred state. In time, she got to the point where she would come home and undress right away, shower and then lounge on the couch nude or with a t-shirt on.
By the time I brought up the nudist resort, we were regularily nude at home. I picked a quiet off-season weekday, got her to take the day off, and assured her of the option of remaining dressed. Because we had been nude so often around each other at home, and there were very few people around that day at the resort, there was no "shock and awe" when we got to the resort and I got nude. And because I did not make a fuss about her being dressed or nude, the moment there was no one in sight, her sarong came off. And that was that.
This process can take weeks for some; years for others. Mariarose's advice provides a good starting point to get there.
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docfreeman47
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/05/2010 : 7:59:48 PM
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Thank you all for the advice. i am sure I am not the only one that has this question.
I have been on the right track, a little wavey but on the right path. The most important point is that I want her comfortable and let her know she can be clothed, I just want us to both be together. Change, trust and comfort will take time, hopefully, not a looooong time. She does know she is number one and I would do anything that would hurt our relationship.
Again, thank you all. Hope to meet you one day.
Doc will keep learning.
PS We leave for Fl. next week and She has given me her blessing to visit some places. Maybe some nude tenderness in our timeshare will be the second baby step, first is contnuous here at home.
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Country: USA
| Posts: 48 |
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docfreeman47
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/05/2010 : 8:00:53 PM
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Thank you all for the advice. i am sure I am not the only one that has this question.
I have been on the right track, a little wavey but on the right path. The most important point is that I want her comfortable and let her know she can be clothed, I just want us to both be together. Change, trust and comfort will take time, hopefully, not a looooong time. She does know she is number one and I would do anything that would hurt our relationship.
Again, thank you all. Hope to meet you one day.
Doc will keep learning.
PS We leave for Fl. next week and She has given me her blessing to visit some places. Maybe some nude tenderness in our timeshare will be the second baby step, first is contnuous here at home.
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Country: USA
| Posts: 48 |
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mariarose
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/05/2010 : 9:49:46 PM
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Aw, shucks, guys. Y'all are makin' me blush!
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Country: USA
| Posts: 130 |
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Warmskin
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/06/2010 : 03:50:25 AM
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- Men are more comfortable with trying out something new -- we're the hunters of long ago.
- Women seek security more than men, so nudity takes a back seat to other activities at first, but when women do get around to trying nudity, they see that their security is not violated
- Men are generally more assertive and agressive, and are inclined to charge into something.
- My comments on this topic are quite generalized and to not take into account a lot of variations in gender behaviors. Thus, I will get a lot of flak from my comments. LOL
"If people let government decide which foods they eat and medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny."
Thomas Jefferson
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Country: USA
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McNigel
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/06/2010 : 05:03:44 AM
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My impression is that it's much simpler than that.
Generally men care little about what other people think of them and women do.
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Country: United Kingdom
| Posts: 132 |
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FireProf
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/06/2010 : 5:26:22 PM
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In my experience...the single biggest issue is that guys jump from sleeping naked with their wife to....lets go to a resort!
Ahhhh....how 'bout slowing down a bit and get her used to being nude around the house, then the backyard, then a beach or club where she can sit on the outskirts of the more experienced nudists and watch what goes on.
Too often guys want to jump right to a resort and social nudity and their wife isn't even comfortable with home or backyard nudity.
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Country: USA
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Nudony
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/06/2010 : 5:53:52 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by FireProf
In my experience...the single biggest issue is that guys jump from sleeping naked with their wife to....lets go to a resort!
Ahhhh....how 'bout slowing down a bit and get her used to being nude around the house, then the backyard, then a beach or club where she can sit on the outskirts of the more experienced nudists and watch what goes on.
Too often guys want to jump right to a resort and social nudity and their wife isn't even comfortable with home or backyard nudity.
A little fast forward. There are indeed some guys that do a good job in helping and encouraging their spouse to be nude at home; but then "blow it" by bringing their spouse to the resort on a busy day and "plunging" them in the midst of nude strangers by immediately heading for the pool area! I've seen this happen first hand, and watched this one guy's wife being completely baffled by suddenly being the only dressed person in the midst of our little nudist group. Fireprof is right; my wife really appreciated sitting a bit away from the pool area, with no one in our immediate vicinity. The sense of maintained privacy allowed her to explore being nude outdoors at her own pace and in her own terms. By the time we encountered some random visitors, she had already been nude for a little while and was able to overcome her fear of being seen nude...one person at a time rather that a whole group in one shot. The first person we encountered, she hid behind me. The third or fourth, she simply stayed by my side. Finally, having assessed that she was ok with being seen nude, she made no attempt to cover up on our last few encounters.
So yes; a progressive pacing at the resort or beach is also the better way of acclimating one's spouse to social nudity.
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free2be
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/06/2010 : 6:07:49 PM
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That was the approach I was taking...slow...no pressure. It's good to hear from the rest of you that it seems to be the right way to go. Thanks!
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Country: USA
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Diger
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/06/2010 : 10:10:20 PM
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Nudony,
Our first social experience was at Apollo Beach in FL and as you we found a spot away from others with a sense of privacy but still in public. LOL (Like that made any sense)
Our first trip my wife went topless but was ready to take the plunge on our next visit. We now laugh at how far she use to make us walk down the beach to get away from others and now we are naked nearly as soon as we hit the nude section. We sit there and watch the newbies walk to the far end of the beach and smile.
Diger
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Country: USA
| Posts: 1385 |
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freecospirit
Forum Member
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Posted - 01/07/2010 : 05:13:33 AM
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It has probably all been said but here's my view for what it's worth. Firstly men are generally less self conscious about appearing naked on a beach or around the home, this may start with sleeping nude, then not covering when going to the bathroom, next deciding that in warmer weather there is really no need for any covering around the house and the garden if private enough. Our wives may do likewise, most of them accept us the way we are and a few object. On the beach the reaction is often different, you only have to observe how couples react in a clothing optional setting. There are some partners who will not go there at all, either because he or she thinks it is wrong, some go but choose to be textile and insist their partners do likewise. I think that most partners who may choose to be textile do not really mind if their partner wants to go nude, with couples likes this it is generally the man who is nude though not always. What is almost universally accepted is the simple fact that once that first step has been taken to go nude nearly everyone finds it feels so much nicer and self consciousness evaporates.
Now why are women more reluctant to take that first step. I think that it has something to do with the way in which female nudity is used for male gratification and in advertising, there are scarcely any male nude images overtly displayed. This is bound to affect everyone's perception in some way. Most the female nudes images displayed are of young, attractive ladies and most women do not look quite that good, men might feel the same if they were confronted regularly with images of fit young men. Even in my prime I would not have matched any of them.
As naturists we accept all body types without really thinking about it, textiles tend to be more judgemental of both themselves and others in the buff. My wife whom I think looks great naked has latterly become very self conscious about her cellulite and though she will still go nude on a beach she has stopped sleeping nude and is much less enthusiastic about beaches. May be it is the time to recognize that my days as a naturist are slowly finishing.
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| Posts: 39 |
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soonbnude
Forum Member
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Posted - 10/10/2016 : 07:57:56 AM
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Wondered if any guys out there have taken Mariarose' advice? Anyone find it helped with their their partner?
I haven't intentionally followed it but have in part I suppose but only by accident and without much success. Still a bit cold down here in Southern Vic but we've had a couple of nice days with some warmth so I'm getting keen to get nude in the yard and the beach. Have also checked out a few camping places and am not sure about those, I would enjoy it but not sure about my partner.
SBN.
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Country: Australia
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NaturistDoc
Forum Member
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Posted - 10/11/2016 : 4:44:25 PM
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Why are wives reluctant? I'm astonished we even have to ask the question. Here's what I've seen happening in Nude World over the past 20 years.
1. Almost no new resorts are opening, and many of the existing ones aren't aging well.
2. Several resorts have given up and become swinger venues.
3. Numerous longtime C/O venues have changed owners and abandoned their C/O status. Sorobon and Terra Cotta Inn come to mind.
4. People (and let's face it, it's usually men) act like jerks. This forum has numerous examples of C/O beaches lost because of the behavior of a bunch of idiots. Closer to home, Stewart Mineral Springs is ending its C/O policy, and nudity is no longer permitted in some traditionally C/O hot springs located in State parks in Oregon due to repeated episodes of bad behavior. Just today I learned that the Ten Thousand Waves spa in Santa Fe is no longer allowing nudity in their communal hot spring, the Grand Bath, because too many visitors can't seem to control their inner Trump. SAD!
http://www.koat.com/news/nude-tub-nixed-at-santa-fe-spa/35391886
Frankly I'm amazed and grateful that so many of our wives DO manage to overcome their misgivings and join us. And kudos to the owners and proprietors who insist on a reasonable degree of decorum at their resorts.
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Why are wives reluctant to go nude with spouse?
