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 Tween (pre-teen daughter) questions !!
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topfreemom
New Member

Posted - 01/01/2008 :  12:03:11 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I had been active at home with my kids for many many years, but for the last 18 months things stopped at home.

Now I am thinking about getting back into being nude and/or topless at home with the family, which are two boys, age 12 and 21 and my daughter who is 10 years old, and husband.

The slight problem is my daughter, she is 10 years old but has matured greatly in the past year or so ... she looks probably between 12 to maybe 14 if you saw her nude, mostly large breasts, it runs in my family ...

She was breastfed by me for awhile, then she was topless at home for years until she started changing quickly ...

She even went nude for awhile, in the pool sometimes around the house and after shower or bath ... but not much nude mostly topless.

We moved and we could no longer go topless and/or nude where we were but now I am thinking of going back (at home) to start being TOPLESS first then nude to get the family used to seeing me that way ...

My question is, should I ask her to join me ? Or should I encourage her to join me ?

Or should I simply say to her and the family, i am planning on getting back to being topless and then nude at home and simply wait and see IF she joins me and IF she has any questions take care of it when it happens ??


Any moms with teenage daughters or tween daughters out there What would you do if you were me ??

She is 10 but looks like 12 to maybe 14 ... !!


She was always very relaxed and OK with being topless around the family, and even when being nude when swimming with her dad and sometimes brother ...

She is concerned somewhat that she is older looking than girls in her class (4th grade) and she is sometimes treated differently due to her advanced looks ... !!

I have being going to topless beaches for decades, and I am topless at home (before the move) about 80 to 90% of the time, even had topless Christmas & Thanksgiving ... and walk around the house at night nude ..


I want to get back started again but not sure on how to do it with my daughter ?? !!

Help !!

Especially moms and dads with daughters (10 to 15) years old ...


topfreemom with kids
topfree gardener & sunbather


Notice: This moderator, operating under username 'Moderator', has been terminated for repeatedly censoring or altering posts without providing a clear indication of which policy was being enforced. Her actions were not sanctioned by this organization.

Edited by - Moderator on 01/01/2008 3:05:19 PM

Country: USA | Posts: 6

kangaroo
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Posted - 01/01/2008 :  1:47:37 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I wouldn't directly ask her to join you, since she may feel pressured into doing something she may not be comfortable with. I would just go ahead with your topless/nude plan, and tell her that she is free to wear as much or as little as she wants. Just like you, she should be given the freedom to choose whether or not she wants to be topless/nude.

-kanga






Country: USA | Posts: 55 Go to Top of Page

pilot
Forum Member

Posted - 01/01/2008 :  6:04:40 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Topfreemom...

The tween-to-teen years are always hard on kids. (None of us want to repeat them, either!) The key to survival--kids and parents--is tolerance and understanding. Her responses to just about anything--homework, nudity, boys, phase of the moon--may well be marked by mood swings and so on. The most important thing you can do is to be there for her. Our approach was to stay nude when possible and to make it as noncommittal as possible. Make sure that she understands that it's her choice and that you will love her and support her always. Open and frank discussions about changing bodies are helpful, and we like to think our daughter was much better adjusted by having seen unclad adults routinely and realizing that sex and sexual maturity were separate from nudity.

If she does decide to go fully nude, you will need to help her with the delicate aspects of menstruation. You'll have to help her anyway of course, but the emphasis on normal physiology while nude can be complex. The idea that it is normal and there is nothing to hide is important, but how you manage nudity in the context of normal menses is also important. Development of axillary and pubic hair can also be discomforting to young women and exposure can seem awkward. If you shave, there will be questions from her. One approach is to leave everything natural. Another is to point out that removal of hair can simplify management of chaning sweat glands and the odors that are associated with sexual maturation.

Most important, I think, is that you and your husband have a common position of loving her no matter what she does and a common example of the range of appearances and behaviors that are appropriate in your home. A firm chat with the young men at home--especially the older leader--is also helpful to explain from a mom perspective what your daughter is about to go through.

Teaching young women to care for their bodies and be proud of their health is extremely important in my view, and comort with nudity can go a long way in this regard.

Good luck.



Country: | Posts: 294 Go to Top of Page

Diger
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Posted - 01/01/2008 :  10:42:12 PM  Show Profile  Send Diger a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
Topfreemom,
I believe in keeping things simple. Sounds like everyone has been very casual about healty family nudity and had some good times doing so. Just talk to your family and ask if they remember when, and remind them how much everyone enjoyed it. Then share your plans and tell them they can join you if they wish.



Diger



Country: USA | Posts: 1264 Go to Top of Page

D-TX
Forum Member


Posted - 01/02/2008 :  12:57:48 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
It's curious that only a bunch of guys have answered...

"Gosh that takes me back ... or is it forward? That's the trouble with time travel, you never can tell." - 4th Doctor in the Doctor Who story "ANDROIDS OF TARA"



Country: USA | Posts: 76 Go to Top of Page

go n nude
Forum Member


Posted - 01/02/2008 :  04:32:22 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
"Maybe a WOMENS only section " or topic area? Men out number females here 100 to 1 or more.
Every body decides for themselves, if they so choose to go Nude or not. Let them choose or decide on their own. Children being natural nudists are free of all the hang ups which they'll learn.

go n nude



Country: Canada | Posts: 394 Go to Top of Page

allnaturalwife
Forum Member

Posted - 01/02/2008 :  1:51:45 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Well from a mom with 3 nudist daughters myself... I really dont see what the issue is with these kinds of things. I see so many parents "discovering nudism" when their children are 8,9,10 15 or whatever the case maybe. And wondering how to "make their children comfortable" Why are they uncomfortable in the first palce? If YOU raised them so far, what have YOU done to give them negative feelings about nudity. I hold firm to the belive that if you MAINTAIN the same attitudes about home nudity ALL ALONG THE WAY, you will have very few issues to deal with in this regard as your children get older.

If YOU as a parent, shy away from making " living nude" then your children will emulate that behavior.
You cannot expect children to be comfortable with nudity, if you yourself, are an "on and off nudist" It amazes me how many people fall into this category. I also dont understand all of those who say things such as " Well , we used to be able to go nude where we lived before, but now we cant" Why Not? Did you move into a house made of glass clearly visible from the street? Every single grown adult who wants to live a nudist existence, has a job , and pays their rent or mortgage can do whatever they want in the space they PAY to live in.

I get frustrated when people say how "difficult" it is to live this lifestyle and overcomplicate it.
There are numerous nudist clubs, beaches, and the like in almost EVERY state. And even if you are not fortunate to live in year-round appropriate nude friendly climate, You can ALWAYS be naked in your own home. If you are a nudist or enjoy living your life as much as possible clothes free, you take steps to do so.

Sorry I got off on a tangent here. but in reference to family nudity, or "making children of any age comfortable with it" Do the following: undo the misconceptions, and lead by example.

Jenn



Country: USA | Posts: 677 Go to Top of Page

TravelingMountainNudist
Forum Member

Posted - 01/02/2008 :  4:47:57 PM  Show Profile  Send TravelingMountainNudist an AOL message  Reply with Quote
People may also be surprised how offen ones neighbors DON'T CARE! I mean really, how many of us are actually that concerned with what is going on next door unless something draws us to a problem such as yelling. We were concerned about or life style with our new friends in New Mexico and it turns out they were nudists too.

Andrew



Country: USA | Posts: 38 Go to Top of Page

CathyK
Forum Member


Posted - 01/03/2008 :  7:51:27 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by allnaturalwife

Well from a mom with 3 nudist daughters myself... I really dont see what the issue is with these kinds of things. I see so many parents "discovering nudism" when their children are 8,9,10 15 or whatever the case maybe. And wondering how to "make their children comfortable" Why are they uncomfortable in the first palce? If YOU raised them so far, what have YOU done to give them negative feelings about nudity. I hold firm to the belive that if you MAINTAIN the same attitudes about home nudity ALL ALONG THE WAY, you will have very few issues to deal with in this regard as your children get older.

If YOU as a parent, shy away from making " living nude" then your children will emulate that behavior.
You cannot expect children to be comfortable with nudity, if you yourself, are an "on and off nudist" It amazes me how many people fall into this category. I also dont understand all of those who say things such as " Well , we used to be able to go nude where we lived before, but now we cant" Why Not? Did you move into a house made of glass clearly visible from the street? Every single grown adult who wants to live a nudist existence, has a job , and pays their rent or mortgage can do whatever they want in the space they PAY to live in.

I get frustrated when people say how "difficult" it is to live this lifestyle and overcomplicate it.
There are numerous nudist clubs, beaches, and the like in almost EVERY state. And even if you are not fortunate to live in year-round appropriate nude friendly climate, You can ALWAYS be naked in your own home. If you are a nudist or enjoy living your life as much as possible clothes free, you take steps to do so.

Sorry I got off on a tangent here. but in reference to family nudity, or "making children of any age comfortable with it" Do the following: undo the misconceptions, and lead by example.

Jenn



Well said, Jenn! My sentiments exactly!!!

Cathy



Country: | Posts: 128 Go to Top of Page

Nudony
Forum Member


Posted - 01/03/2008 :  9:32:38 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
When my wife and I moved in together and I brought up home nudism, my wife took to it rather easily and casually. I asked her about it, and she told me this was thanks to her mother's casual approach to nudity at home; and she gave me the background story.

My wife's (ultra-conservative) Dad left when she was 13-14. Her Mom then started taking a casual approach to nudity at home; leaving the bathroom door ajar, going from the bathroom to the bedroom nude and changing in the open. She never spoke about it or explained it; she just did it. Not outright walking around the house nude; but not hiding her nudity either. My wife began emulating her mother; and before long it became quite common for them to be casually nude around each other.

The moral of my wife's story is that, as allnaturalwife stated: "undo the misconceptions, and lead by example." My mother-in-law's approach was pretty basic; once this basic approach has become a common routine, you can take it up a notch further by being nude more and more frequently and for longer periods of time. Again, allnaturalwife is right about overthinking nudity. "What will she think? Will she get shocked, upset? Will it mess up her personal growth and emotional development?" As a result many people jump in and out, sending the family members a mixed message; one of insecurity. A gradual, yet consistent approach will give you plenty of time and opportunity to gauge the child's response to nudity at home.

Just make sure you always leave the option open for your daughter; but don't be deterred if she doesn't follow. A friend of mine took the same path: she started sleeping nude and sunbathing nude in her backyard by herself. Eventually, her daughter got used to it and joined her.



Edited by - Nudony on 01/04/2008 07:55:16 AM

Country: | Posts: 341 Go to Top of Page

nudistme
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Posted - 07/13/2008 :  11:10:21 PM  Show Profile  Send nudistme an AOL message  Send nudistme a Yahoo! Message  Reply with Quote
Hello everybody !

I will agree with Jenn too... but i can also sympathize with someone who has still not discovered the beauty of being nude all the time and at the same time feels a little guilt for he or she is still very socially concerned. I mean according to me , nothing changes when a child turns to a teen or a teen to an adult as far as nudity is concerned . The only thing that might change is how comfortable is the child with the parents being nude. In my family i was raised with the thought and idea of nudism as being a natural state of being but when i entered my teen , i didn't enjoy being nude with my parents anymore. I wanted my personal space for that. This is me. But i guess there are many different ways of viewing things. In my opinion it is important for the child to have his or her own space and discover whether he wants to share nudity with all the family or not. I hope what i said makes some sense...
:-)




Country: USA | Posts: 35 Go to Top of Page

StuffedTiger
Forum Member


Posted - 07/14/2008 :  01:30:18 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Don't make a big deal out of your going nude, that sends the wrong signal. It's your decision, not hers, for you to go nude. Let her know how you feel about it yourself, and include her in the discussion on how things will work when others are visiting, nudists or non-nudists. Let her know that you'd feel comfortable anytime the rest of the family, including her, decided to join you. Why push it beyond that? She's old enough to make her own decisions on things like this, and you should empower her to do so. This is the time to work on building mutual trust and respect, regardless of differences, and to develop the habit of finding fun and mutually happy arrangements together. That will pay big dividends the rest of your lives.




Country: | Posts: 246 Go to Top of Page

Cosmic_Dragon
New Member

Posted - 08/21/2008 :  03:54:24 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
This can be tricky, best to tell them what you wish to do. Give your family time to think about the change you wish to make. As you start going back to the topless/nude life they will either join you or not. The tween years are difficult, they will change their minds alot, and we just have to deal with it.

R. Blackheart



Country: USA | Posts: 2 Go to Top of Page

balataf
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Posted - 08/21/2008 :  2:20:30 PM  Show Profile  Visit balataf's Homepage  Reply with Quote
the question at my house has always been casual. My parents were not nudists, but were not terribly concerned at being undressed. My Wife, following my lead has been a home nudist for 40 years at this point, and that is what our sons grew up with. My younger son went to a Phi Nu swim, but dropped it as he was the only teenager present.

My feeling is that you should primarily simply lead by example and not worry too much if the daughter joins you. If she is comfortable, she will do so. But there is no profit it making any big deal about the question.

"Go with the flow" in a case like this is my general advice. For instance, my younger son wears clothes even when alone in the house. Maybe that's a form of his teenage rebellion or not, but we put no pressures on him to join us and he has been old enuf to decide for himself since he was about eight years old. We save the criticism and shouting for things that are important. He knows very well that he can be nude at home, just about whenever he wants, but very seldom does so. NO BIG DEAL!




Edited by - balataf on 08/21/2008 2:23:05 PM

Country: USA | Posts: 661 Go to Top of Page

Insomniac007
Forum Member


Posted - 06/23/2009 :  08:50:20 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Unfortunately , teenagers are about the most prudish , ( or maybe body self conscious), age group . I know one couple who brought their boys up nude but now that the boys are in their mid teens , they really don't want to go with the parents to the naturist beach .
Maybe the 10 going on 13 daughter will not want to join because it is not the teen "IN" thing to do ..so just let her choose and respect her choice ..



Country: | Posts: 21 Go to Top of Page

LauraA
New Member

Posted - 07/01/2009 :  06:04:59 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I think it is perfectly fine for you to encourage her. You also need to remind her often that her body is beautiful. Being 10 years old with a body of a 12 or 14 year old can be a bit scary. She needs allot of reasurrance. I don't think you need to be nude all of the time just to convince your daughter to try it. Talk openly with her, encourage her as much as possible. Since her breasts have developed so early I think it would be a good thing for her if you were to encourage her to be topless as often as possible.

I think it is perfectly acceptable for her brothers and her father to see her bare breasts while she is topless, and it is perfectly fine for them to see her naked. I don't think the males need to be running around naked for equality sake. In our home our daughter (15) is often nude while I am often topless. My sons (17yo and 11yo) are never nude outside of their bedrooms. My husband will lounge in the hot tub nude but only with me. But each family is different.

I think you also need to talk to your husband and to the boys and explain to them carefully what a difficult time this is for her. The boys can look but they need to be respectful. They need to never be negative or down in any way about her appearance, wether she is clothed or naked. Our family is similar to yours, "early risers" for the women in the family. My daughter is a full D cup and I am a full DD cup. Our breasts came in early and yes, it was a difficult time for us. But we have been very careful to raise the boys to accept the bodies natural beauty, to never be negative. They get very upset if they ever hear of anyone being critical of their sister. There is no reason to be, she is very beautiful and well developed.

Also, personal grooming might become an issue. I think it should be up to you if she is to trim or remove any or all of her pubic hair. My daughter is bare but she loves how comfortable it is.

I hope that your daughter will have an easy time with her physical and emotional development and enjoy this time. It would be such a shame for a beautiful girl to have any kind of negative imagine.

Take care all.



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